what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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