So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
