yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she pinky promised me she was 18
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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