so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize