just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
