The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize