I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
