I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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