I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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