She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
