So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
