tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
