I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
