He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
