I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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