my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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