That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
