I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
