Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
