worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
