i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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