Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
