matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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