What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
