Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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