got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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