ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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