I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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