She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
