FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
