So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
