i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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