She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
