Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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