shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
