If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
