I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
