I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
