this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
