Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
