She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
