I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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