The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
