i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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