She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize