why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
