I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
