one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
