Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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