So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
