I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
