so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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