I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
