Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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