is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
