so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
