I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize