I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Randomize
