he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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