Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
