my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
