i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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