Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
