so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
