mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
